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Saturday 28 October 2006

MY BOYS

IVE BEEN IN A LONELY PLACE

ITS COLD AND UNFORGIVING

IVE BEEN LOST IN OUTER SPACE

INSTEAD OF OUT THERE, LIVING

MY HEART'S BEEN PRISONER TO MY LIFE

MY THOUGHTS HAD LOST ALL CARING

I WAS TRAPPED IN ANOTHER LIFE

A LIFE SO UNFORBEARING

BUT THROUGH THE TEARS AND MIST AND SADNESS

TWO STARS HAVE SHONE THROUGHOUT

NOW COME SMILES AND TEARS OF GLADNESS

I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT

TWO LIGHTS AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL OF LIFE

TWO FLARES THAT SHOWED ME THE WAY

TO PUT RIGHT BEHIND ME THE STRUGGLE AND STRIFE

AND LIVE THIS GREAT LIFE, FOR TODAY.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday 22 October 2006

tv pets

Just wanted to post a few pics of my pets as I know some of you like to see them.

We are so blessed to have our little bundles of  fluff.

Thank you all so very much for your comments of support for Steven and myself.

We both appreciate them very much and feel lucky to have such great friends as you.

Night night, God bless   x  x  x

Friday 20 October 2006

PANIC ATTACKS

Hi everyone,

Sorry I haven't posted for a while but I've been really down in the dumps with Steven's state of mind lately.

Seems everytime I try to explain that I know how he feels, he bites my head off saying that I don't.

I've suffered these attacks for 15 years now and I know more than anyone how it feels to be fighting to breathe and scared to death, thinking you're going to die.

I've been taking a drug called Imipramine for 12 years now and find it a really good drug for me. It makes me drift off into a normal sleep pattern, although these past few nights I've been having panic attacks all over again, worrying about Steven.

He's very young to be having these problems but I'm trying to let him know that I'm here for him when he needs to talk. But everytime we have a conversation, he ends up biting my head off.

Feel sure that his synusus are blocked too, making it harder for him to breathe when he lays down to sleep and I think he's confusing one with the other.

I always use my mentholated crystals when I get congested, think I 'll get him some tomorrow.

All I can do is be here when he needs me. Though, just lately,it doesn't seem to help.

Hope everyone is well and not too fed up of reading gloomy journal entries.

Hopefully, things will get back to normal soon, then we can all enjoy Christmas.

Love and hugs to all

x  x  x

 

Friday 13 October 2006

My Sons

Picture 1 is my older Son, Adam. He is 27 this Christmas day. He has been a rock to me this past 20 years. Looked after his little Brother Steven and me through thick and thin. Although this past 7 years, he has lived in Nottingham, I know I only have to call him and he would come home, no holds barred. I had Steven as a baby, only a few weeks old and I fell downstairs, right from the top, with Steven in my arms. Adam was only 4 at the time but he saw me fall and stood really strong at the bottom of the stairs to catch my fall. I would have gone straight into a radiator with Steven in my arms, if Adam hadn't stopped my fall.

He helped a bag lady in the streets of Nottingham a few years ago when he was still in University. She was being dragged down an alleyway by 2 men trying to mug her. One of the men ran off, the other pulled a knife and slashed Adam's arm. Luckily enough, he was wearing a thick coat I'd bought him and it saved his wrist from being badly cut.

Just a glimpse into the life of Adam, also known by me as Buzz Lightyear. I love him tremendously.

Picture 2 is Adam and Steven,who you all know, at Adam's wedding last month.

My 2 special guys.

Picture 3 is Mum proudly standing between the 2 most fantastic people in the whole world, without whom, she would have been a shadow of the person she is today.

Just watched Steven's latest journal entry and feel so very blessed that God has granted him with such a wonderful gift of voice. I just know he was meant for greater things than being a prisoner of his own life, not going out, living his young life.

My mission in life now, is to help him get his life into perspective. He deserves it.

God bless

 

 

 

 

Monday 9 October 2006

Destiny ???

What can you say when you know your child is making a BIG mistake in their life ?

Do you tell them what you REALLY think, or do you just sit idly by and let it happen ?

Let me know....

 

 

Monday 2 October 2006

Happy birthday Steven.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVEN.

October the third nineteen eighty three,

Was a very special day, cos you came to me,

A tiny little bundle with gorgeous big eyes,

A shock from the iron, oh what a surprise,

Typical you Steve, came 2 days early,

Masses of dark hair, all thick and curly,

The face of an angel from heaven above,

Only God could have sent you for this Mum to love.