Sunday, 31 December 2006


Hi All,
So sorry I haven't written much of late, I have had a lot on my mind and needed to clear my head for a while.
New Year finds us reflecting on past times and I for one feel very blessed at the moment, that my family and friends are well.
I am off to Northern Ireland next Friday, to my Sister in Law's wedding, which could quite easily have been her funeral, as she has just recovered from lung cancer, thank goodness.
I am to be a bridesmaid again next Christmas, as my Sister is to be married to a very gorgeous young Mr Darcy.
Steven, as you may know, is joining a boyband next week and I am REALLY excited for him. So, going to feel very glamourous being a boyband member's Mum.
Still working on the Granny thing. My Son and Daughter in Law aren't quite ready to take the plunge yet but hopefully, it WILL happen.

All that remains is for me to wish everyone A VERY VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR .

Hope it is filled with happiness, comfort, and health for you all.

See you in 2007...  God bless..

Pat  x x x x

Saturday, 2 December 2006

Steve's audition

Yes, you guessed it, he's the little one on the left. The one beside him is his big Brother, Adam.

This is a little dedication to Steve, in honour of his audition today.

He was sooo nervous, which is always good because adrenalin works in your favour.

Will let you know how it goes.

Tuesday, 21 November 2006


I have a friend in J land

You know her as well as me

She's had an op

today so stop

and wish her well with me



  X X X X

Thursday, 9 November 2006


Hi all,

A few more pics of today's events.

Adrian and I have worked really hard all day to make some gates to keep the dogs out of the garden.

Peggy has a habit of falling into the pond whenever possible, so we thought the gates were a great idea.

We let them out onto the decking to see if they liked the gates and OH NO !! turned my back and ...... Peggy can fit between the spindles and gets into the garden.

Oh well, back to the drawing board I guess.

Need to put the spindles closer together me thinks.

See you all later peeps.

Love and hugs  Pat  x x x

Wednesday, 8 November 2006

Peggy's 1st hair cut.

Hi all,

Just wanted to share Peggy's first haircut with you.

I know you like me to keep you informed of Peggy's progress.

Hasn't she grown up ?

She's six months old in a few days.

Her 1st puppy tooth came out last night too, so I'm expecting more toy chewing over the next few months.

She's such a sweetie and has a wonderful nature with her too. Not an ounce of aggression there.

She wears a car seat belt too, now she's big enough.

Just like to welcome Steve back too, after his recent illness. It's great to read you again Ste. Love you so much.

Well, off for now, kitchen still being re furbished. Will post pics as soon as I can.

Love and hugs to you all.

Pat.  x x x x

Saturday, 4 November 2006

My new Nephew

Just wanted to share my new baby Nephew with you.

He was born yesterday, third of November, at 4.15 pm.

He weighed in at 4lbs 2 ounces, bless him.

Not sure about his name yet. At the moment he's called Archie.

About to be a Great Aunt again any day now.

Altogether I have 43 Nephews and Nieces and 15 Great Nephews and Nieces.

Getting bigger all the time.

Saturday, 28 October 2006



































Sunday, 22 October 2006

tv pets

Just wanted to post a few pics of my pets as I know some of you like to see them.

We are so blessed to have our little bundles of  fluff.

Thank you all so very much for your comments of support for Steven and myself.

We both appreciate them very much and feel lucky to have such great friends as you.

Night night, God bless   x  x  x

Friday, 20 October 2006


Hi everyone,

Sorry I haven't posted for a while but I've been really down in the dumps with Steven's state of mind lately.

Seems everytime I try to explain that I know how he feels, he bites my head off saying that I don't.

I've suffered these attacks for 15 years now and I know more than anyone how it feels to be fighting to breathe and scared to death, thinking you're going to die.

I've been taking a drug called Imipramine for 12 years now and find it a really good drug for me. It makes me drift off into a normal sleep pattern, although these past few nights I've been having panic attacks all over again, worrying about Steven.

He's very young to be having these problems but I'm trying to let him know that I'm here for him when he needs to talk. But everytime we have a conversation, he ends up biting my head off.

Feel sure that his synusus are blocked too, making it harder for him to breathe when he lays down to sleep and I think he's confusing one with the other.

I always use my mentholated crystals when I get congested, think I 'll get him some tomorrow.

All I can do is be here when he needs me. Though, just lately,it doesn't seem to help.

Hope everyone is well and not too fed up of reading gloomy journal entries.

Hopefully, things will get back to normal soon, then we can all enjoy Christmas.

Love and hugs to all

x  x  x


Friday, 13 October 2006

My Sons

Picture 1 is my older Son, Adam. He is 27 this Christmas day. He has been a rock to me this past 20 years. Looked after his little Brother Steven and me through thick and thin. Although this past 7 years, he has lived in Nottingham, I know I only have to call him and he would come home, no holds barred. I had Steven as a baby, only a few weeks old and I fell downstairs, right from the top, with Steven in my arms. Adam was only 4 at the time but he saw me fall and stood really strong at the bottom of the stairs to catch my fall. I would have gone straight into a radiator with Steven in my arms, if Adam hadn't stopped my fall.

He helped a bag lady in the streets of Nottingham a few years ago when he was still in University. She was being dragged down an alleyway by 2 men trying to mug her. One of the men ran off, the other pulled a knife and slashed Adam's arm. Luckily enough, he was wearing a thick coat I'd bought him and it saved his wrist from being badly cut.

Just a glimpse into the life of Adam, also known by me as Buzz Lightyear. I love him tremendously.

Picture 2 is Adam and Steven,who you all know, at Adam's wedding last month.

My 2 special guys.

Picture 3 is Mum proudly standing between the 2 most fantastic people in the whole world, without whom, she would have been a shadow of the person she is today.

Just watched Steven's latest journal entry and feel so very blessed that God has granted him with such a wonderful gift of voice. I just know he was meant for greater things than being a prisoner of his own life, not going out, living his young life.

My mission in life now, is to help him get his life into perspective. He deserves it.

God bless





Monday, 9 October 2006

Destiny ???

What can you say when you know your child is making a BIG mistake in their life ?

Do you tell them what you REALLY think, or do you just sit idly by and let it happen ?

Let me know....



Monday, 2 October 2006

Happy birthday Steven.


October the third nineteen eighty three,

Was a very special day, cos you came to me,

A tiny little bundle with gorgeous big eyes,

A shock from the iron, oh what a surprise,

Typical you Steve, came 2 days early,

Masses of dark hair, all thick and curly,

The face of an angel from heaven above,

Only God could have sent you for this Mum to love.







Wednesday, 27 September 2006

spooky stuff

Sunday was a sad day for me because I had to sell my caravan for half of the price I paid for it. This was bad enough but it was also my Auntie Peggy's favourite place to be over the Summer months. She collapsed in it on the 3rd of September, 2 years ago, lay in a coma until she died on the 10th of September, then she was cremated on the 17th of September, which is also her Mum's ( my Grandma's birthday )

I felt as if I had sold her short and I always felt that she was with me in the caravan, which was comforting for me.I Feel as if I've left her behind.

I had a bit of a weep about it to Adrian ( my Hubby ) and he said to look at it as she would always be with me because the cash I got for the caravan, was going towards paying for my new kitchen.

I felt better for thinking that. Then, later the next night, I had things cooking in the oven, when I heard the oven door click open. I thought Adrian had walked in behind me to check the oven. When I turned round, there was no one there but the oven door was swinging open.It's a brand new Rangemaster cooker, so the oven latch is still very stiff to open yet.

Later that same night, I was on the phone to Steven, when the wall lights switch clicked and the wall lights went off. I shouted Adrian and he switched the wall light switch off and turned the main light on instead. I carried on talking to Steven for a minute or two then Adrian came back in and asked if I had switched the wall lights back on again and the main light off. I looked up and to my amazement, the wall lights WERE back on and the main light was switched off.

Adrian doesn't believe in ghosts but even HE was spooked by this

I loved my Auntie Peggy very very much and it wouldn't bother me if I did see her but I think it's VERY strange that these things happened the very same day that I had been talking about her.


Monday, 25 September 2006

Lovely rainy day

Started the day with lovely warm but hazy sunshine. Adrian asked me if I wanted to visit Steve as I haven't seen him for a few days. I jumped at the chance because I know how much work we have in front of us, re vamping the kitchen , probably wont get the chance again for a while.

When we arrived outside Steve's house, the heavens opened with rain.It was TEEMING down. I tried to get out of the car on my side but there was a river of water running past me. We sat there for a few minutes, waiting for the chance to run inside but it didn't get any lighter. We made a mad dash for it and got absolutely DROWNED in the attempt.

We were both frozen and dripping wet by the time we finally ran into Steve's house. A quick towel rub and a warm cuppa later, we decided to record us singing together.

We sang a few songs and decided to call it a day as Adrian and I were in wet clothes.

All in all, a really good time even though a wet one.

You can see Steve and I singing on his journal

~The life of Stevie~

Hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

Friday, 22 September 2006


As Summer bows its weary head,

The leaves start turning gold,

Autumn's looming up ahead,

I start to feel the cold,

The wind is ringing through the trees,

The daylight's getting dimmer,

I feel the last of Summer breeze,

As Autumn starts to simmer,

I look forward to the frost,

I love it when it snows,

Memories are never lost,

When the firelight glows,

For through the embers of the fire,

I see flames are dancing,

Dancing to their hearts desire,

spinning round and prancing,

Candles glowing,

bursts of light,

When it's snowing,

Sheer delight,

Casting shadows on the wall,

pictures start to form,

I can feel no ill at all,

Cos I am snug and warm.









Thursday, 21 September 2006

Not for the fainthearted

Just winding down to get some sleep tonight, when Adrian shouted me into the bathroom.

Nearly died when I saw this creature in the sink.

Glad I wasn't the first to spot it.


Spent hours this afternoon just going round the garden brushing cobwebs away from the garden furniture.

Maybe he came to get HIS REVENGE....  AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH !!!!!

Crazy animals

The weather here in Sheffield has been glorious today. It's been rather breezy but it was a really warm, almost tropical breeze. Great.

Most of my family are away in Benidorm in Spain and yet the weather here has been hotter, strange that.

Posted some pics of some of my animals ( Hubby included ) hope you enjoy them.

Love n best wishes to you  x x x

Wednesday, 20 September 2006

Stop the bitching.

We're a lovely bunch of people in J land. Or so I thought. As you know, I've not been here long but long enough to know that there are some really great people on here. I have made MANY friends and look forward to hearing from them ( you know who you are )

Most people on here have had bad things happen to them in life, I know I have. They just look forward to talking to friends, no strings attached and getting a load off their mind by sharing their worries and feelings and their joys and goodwill.

I see the same familiar names on my e mails everyday and would be devastated if I lost touch with them. They are like family to me now, even after such a short space of time I have been journalling.

I don't know exactly what's going on here but I do know that it's spoiling everything we have in J land. We just celebrated a third birthday here, only to have it marred by bad feeling and bitching.

If we wanted this type of behaviour, we could just go to the chatrooms, they're full of it.

I think this vivis thing should be knocked in the head because it's causing nothing but grief to everyone involved. Journalling isn't a competition, it's a way of expressing your feelings without fear of contradiction and mockery.

I just wish people would remember what we're all about and just enjoy.

My paintings

Just started painting during this last year or so and wanted to share some of my paintings with you.

When I was at school , which seems like yesterday, we were taught to paint with palette knives rather than brushes, so I thought I'd carry on with that.

The first painting of fruit and wine, was painted for my Brother as he asked me to paint one for him.

The second painting is my Dad's Bulldog, Billy. I copied it from a photo.

The last one is a painting of Steven and Anthony's Chocolate Labrador, Gracie. She's the sweetest thing and she loves her Nanna.( That's me by the way. )

Hope you like them.

Love n hugs. Pat   x x x


Tuesday, 19 September 2006

Land of Nod

Saw this sign one day last year, on the way to visit my Auntie in Bridlington.

Never realised this was actually a REAL  place.

Whenever someone referred to " The Land of Nod " I thought it was just a fairytale place you went to when you fell asleep.

How gullable am I ? Lol !!

Although I DID believe in Father Christmas until I was about 14.

Wonder if I'll EVER grow up ?



Sunday, 17 September 2006


Hi everyone,

Just found some photo's of myself and my brother's from years ago when we were tiny tots.

Hope you enjoy them.

The first one is me sat in the boot of my big Brother's car along with both of my big Brothers. Check out the hat.

The second one is me with one of my younger Brothers on holiday at Chapel St. Leonards I think.

The third one is me and three of my four Brothers.We all had mumps there.

The fourth one is of me and my Mother on holiday at Chapel St. Leonards again.

The last one is of me at five years old. Still have the plaits in my hair sometimes.


Saturday, 16 September 2006


Hi all,

Firstly, I would just like to thank you ALL so very, very much for your messages of goodwill and best wishes for Steven and myself. It means so very much to know you are all out there rooting for us.

Steve has had good results from taking his meds and isn't getting chest pains as badly now. He also says he can breathe again, which is such a huge relief to hear.

I think this is a sign that maybe it IS his nerves and hopefully, it can be resolved very soon.

His Doctor has rushed him an appointment with a councellor, so hopefully, things will start to be a little easier from now on.

Thank goodness someone has seen fit to believe him and done something positive for him.

I even managed to get Steve to visit his Brother with us today, we had a great time looking at honeymoon videos. They had a brother to Brother thing too. It was lovely to see.

Anyway, almost my bedtime now, don't dread it as much now I know that Steve's getting some sleep too.

I will post again tomorrow, thanks again to all of you for everything. You're really good friends.

Love and Best to you all

Pat   x x


Friday, 15 September 2006


Hi everyone,

Just wanted to let you all know that Steve fell apart on me this morning and I rang him a Doctor out to see him. The Doctor put him on Diasapam to calm him down. We had a shocking night, as I'm sure you're aware of if you read his last entry.

You all know that I,ve had my share of ups and downs but there's NOTHING so upsetting as hearing your own child crying in distress at the other end of the phone. It almost kills me to hear him.

He's taking time out from his journal just for a while. He needs to sort himself out first,can't keep going on the way he has been.

I'm very upset as i write this so I'm not saying too much more, except that he is in the very best hands he could be in. I love him so very much and am determined to help him through this. I f I just knew what was triggering things off.

Anyway, watch this space and I will let you all know how he's doing. You never know, he may pick himself up quicker than we expect.

Thank you all so very much for your support, he is a very lucky young man to have so many friends and admirer's.

Take care and I will post again tomorrow to let you know how he is.

Love and best Pat ( Steve's Mum ) x x

Thursday, 14 September 2006

A better day

Hi everyone,

Had a better day today, not been so down in the dumps. Probably because Steve's a little better, so is my Mum and Adam and his new Wife, Emma are home early on Saturday morning. Can't wait to see them and watch the video footage of Malaysia.

Off to Steve's tomorrow morning, hopefully to do a little recording with him.

Not done much singing of late, because I've been so busy with the DIY .Really looking forward to doing it and spending time with Steve. We used to sing together every day when he lived at home. Hope we've seen the last of his attacks, what ever they are.

Just off to bed now, hope to be able to post a musical entry tomorrow, depending how it works out.

Night night, God bless everyone.  x x x


Wednesday, 13 September 2006

down in the dumps

Had a really long day again today, Knocking the kitchen wall down is a really dusty, dirty job and I feel very dry and parched. Can't wait to get the house back to being tidy again, I hate to be upside down at home. There's stuff everywhere. Boxes and bags of kitchen items in the hallway and up the stairs, The dogs are having to sleep in the living room ( which I don't normally allow ) Things are just a mess at the moment. I will be really glad when this last wall is down, so that at least the messy part's over with.

I think the last couple of weeks have taken their toll and I feel a little down. This thing with Steven is getting really frustrating for him and me. Although I still feel that at the end of the day, it's going to be down to panic attacks, I know he's really worried about what it actually is. Just wish I could have the REAL Steven back, I miss him.

Adam and Emma will be home from their honeymoon in Malaysia on Saturday and I can't wait to see them both. Adam sent me a text today saying that he was very badly sunburnt so I'm hoping that he's okay. Just seem to be walking around holding my breath until he gets home safely.

My Mum  is normally more fit and active than anyone I know for a seventy one year old but even she has had a rough week this week. She got a little scratch from her kitten six weeks ago and it's STILL not healed over yet. She's on strong antibiotics and has to have an antibiotic cream on her leg. She also has a nasty allergic reaction to what I think is down to Clinique perfume spray, so is using an antihystamin cream for that too. Hardly EVER known my Mum to be ill, so this is a biggy to me. Hopefully. she'll be better in a couple of days and she can get back to her usual self.

Well, I suppose I had best try at least to get some sleep, another busy day tomorrow. At least the last bit of that horrible wall will be down thank goodness. My new cooking range works a treat and it's actually a PLEASURE to cook on it, which is a miracle because I HATE cooking.

Off to my bed now and I hope tomorrow is a brighter day. Night night God bless all.   x x x


Tuesday, 12 September 2006


It's been a beautiful day again today, so I thought I'd let Peggy have a wander round the back garden to get some fresh air and play with Buffy for a while.

They had a whale of a time, chasing each other round and round in circles, bless them.

I had to go inside for a minute to put some rubbish in the bin, ready for collection first thing in the morning, so I asked Adrian to keep an eye on her for me.

I was gone for literally a minute, when I saw Adrian rush over towards Buffy.Knew something was amiss.

I got back to the garden to find Peggy dripping wet fresh from the pond. Poor little thing looked like a drowned rat, bless her.Adrian said that Buffy ran to her aid, aaww bless!!

Wanted to laugh but felt really sorry for her. Adrian said she jumped out as quickly as she jumped in. Took her inside and gave her a shower and a stiff talking to.

Buffy did the same thing when she was a puppy,except that it was the middle of Winter and she came out of the water dripping with algae and teeth chattering like wildfire. She reminded me of the creature from the black lagoon. Lol !!!

Think we had better get a net to cover the pond until she gets a little bigger. Although I think the fish are probably bigger than her at the moment.


Saturday, 9 September 2006

Ambulance ahoy !!

Do you ever get one of those nights when you just can't settle off to sleep ?

I had one of those last night. Must have been almost two by the time I nodded off. I was awoken at four by a really piercing howling noise. It wasn't a cat, I know that. Think it must have been foxes again. I know there are lots prowling around here at night.

Just nodded back off, when the phone rang about six.

It was Steven again. He was in a state of tremor. He had to send for an ambulance and they took him straight to Hospital.

Just up and ready to go and see him. He's had another ECG, so I hope this means that they're giving him a THOROUGH check up.

Watch this space, will let you know how he is as soon as I can.

Love n hugs

Pat   x x x x

Friday, 8 September 2006


Just been reading Donna's journal and realised what a bizarre world we're living in.

Have you read the story on AOL'S main page about the man caught having sex with A GOAT. EEEWWW!!!

He was caught in the act and ordered by the Elders to MARRY THE GOAT and live with it as if it was his WIFE.  

I don't know who's the most sick, the man or the Elders.  Lol !!!

Thursday, 7 September 2006


United We'll Stand

We arose from the ashes of the towers in the sky,
We're a proud, mighty nation and we hold our heads high!

Back from Ground Zero where we all shed a tear,
We'll show to the world that we won't live in fear.

They tried to destroy us on that fateful day,
September eleventh in our memory will stay.

With flags full unfurled, we'll fight night and day,
To protect and defend our American way!

So united we'll stand for the whole world to see
We're the home of the brave and we all will agree,
United we'll stand in the land of the free!

They burned down a landmark but our hearts did not sway,
And we're makin' our come-back the American way!

We're children of freedom, and that's how we'll stay,
No terrorist cowards can take that away!

So united we'll stand for the whole world to see
We're the home of the brave and we all will agree,
United we'll stand in the land of the free!

A new brand of hero emerged from the crowd,
Brave Firemen, Policemen, you sure made us proud!

No terror can daunt us, we'll fight to the end,
Unwavering, unfaltering that's the message we send.

We're children of freedom, and that's how we'll stay,
No terrorist cowards can take that away!

America, you're beautiful, honest and true,
America we love you, Our Red, White and Blue!

So united we'll stand for the whole world to see
We're the home of the brave and we all will agree,
United we'll stand in the land of the free!

© A. P. DuBarry, Jr. 2001


I just found this on a website as I was looking for song lyrics and I wanted to post it to my journal in memory of all the lost souls of 9.11


Tuesday, 5 September 2006


Hi all

Just to let know that Adrian and I took Steve to the hospital, only to be told we had wasted our time ( once again ) and would be better taking him to his GP.

We did take him and saw the very nice lady Doctor there, who told Steve that his chest infection has gone and his chest is clear again ( thank goodness )

She is referring him to a behavioural therapist and has arranged for a full blood test and urine test.

She also thinks that he may have a thyroid problem, which is possible as I have an underactive thyroid condition, along with ALL the girls in my Mum's side of the family ( not saying that Steve is a girl, lol !!) but you know what I mean.

Also , he could be enaemic, ( hope that's how to spell it ) this is another family trait on my Mother's side, along with having rhesus type blood.( We're so lucky )

All in all, Steve is being well looked after now , so hopefully, in time, he should start to feel better ( finger's crossed )

On a different note, I had an e mail from Adam and Emma honeymooning in Malaysia, saying that they LOVED Malaysia, it's FANTASTIC, and " cheap as chips "

So, assuming from that they are having a wonderful time.

Well, just off to bed, been yet another long, tiring day. Another one to follow tomorrow, as we have to go through to Nottingham to check on Adam's pets.

Read you all again later.


Monday, 4 September 2006


A little place I like to go

When I'm feeling down and kind of low

Is a magic place where love comes free

Where no-one minds that I'm just me

I can share my troubles and ease my mind

I can just relax so good to unwind

"Hello there friend how are you today"

A friendly phrase sends the gloom away

So many friendly words soothe my mood

No-one is nasty, no-one is rude

They just want a friendship with no strings attached

J- land's the haven where friendships are hatched




Sunday, 3 September 2006


Anyone wanting to see the pics of the wedding, please go to


Saturday, 2 September 2006

wet wedding

Should have known what kind of a day it would be , the minute my hair got tangled in my hairdryer, so I had to cut my hair to release it.

Then, Steve rang to ask if his suit was at my house because he couldn't find it at his. This is 2 hours before we have to leave.  I insisted that it wasn't at mine because I had the only suit in the house on a coat hanger, where it had been for 2 weeks and that was Adrian's. OR SO I THOUGHT.

Turns out, it WAS Steven's after all, this is after Adrian and I had been out 2 days before, to buy a new shirt to go with it. I insisted Adrian's suit was black but Adrian insisted his suit was blue. Steven's is the blue suit apparantly, Adrian's is black. So, we were both right. Adrian had gone by the colour of the suit hanging on his wardrobe for the past 2 weeks, I went on memory from his Niece's wedding last year, which was when he bought the suit.

I rushed around like a mad woman, to make sure I didn't forget ANYTHING. Had to be on time because Emma rang me to ask if I could go to her house first, to sew some diamante crystals onto her veil.

I made arrangements with my Nephew, Ben, to come and check on my animals from time to time and make sure they were all okay, especially little Peggy. I left him a list of things NOT to do and that was fine.

We finally picked steven and Anthony up and were doing well for time. Anthony did a great job on my hair and things were going great.

THEN, I remembered I had forgotten my bows for our car. I really wanted ribbons on our car because I was the Groom's Mother and I wanted to feel special. I was GUTTED.

THEN, I realised I had forgotten the directions to the Registry Office AND the reception venue.

We ended up having to ring Adam for directions. I felt so stupid. Finally found the Registry Office and had to park up a fair distance away because there were no spaces nearby. Adrian is disabled, so I wasn't too happy about it.

It was cold, very windy and teeming with rain, I was FROZEN.

Everything went well at the ceremony despite the fact thar Emma was almost half an hour late because of a broken down car blocking the road to town.

I was asked to do a reading for the ceremony, which I did brilliantly,if I say so myself.

THEN realised Adrian had forgotten to take his medication for the day. OH NO !!!

Came out of the Registry office, had photo's taken outside and headed back to our car, only to find that we had a parking ticket. DOH !!

We got lost on the way to the reception and were the last to arrive.

All went well from then on , except that Steven got very drunk and we had to keep stopping on the way home, for him to be sick, bless !! 

We arrived home, only to find that the bedroom door had been left open and I had to start changing the bedding.

All in all, a BRILLIANT DAY lol !! I am now the proud owner of a BRAND NEW DAUGHTER IN LAW.

Thank goodness it's over.      pics to be posted later today  ( all being well )


Thursday, 31 August 2006

Peggy's first walk to Grandma's

I know I've already written in my journal once today but couldn't resist showing these pics taken earlier today.

This is Peggy's first walk to see her Granny and Grandad in the next street. She actually walks better than Buffy does, lol !!! ( pic 1 )

Then, I noticed this past couple of days, she has an ear thing going on, bless !! ( pic 2 )

Think the ears are going to stay put one of these days. They seem to be on the right track now. ( pic 3 )

Such a cutie.Looking SO SWEET as she sits on Mum's lap, BLESS !!! ( pic 4 )




Adam's getting married

Can't believe my eldest Son, Adam, is getting married on Saturday.

It seems not so long ago, I took this photograph of him sitting on my bed. He was about seven months old. ( photo no. 1 )

This photograph was taken some years later, when he was a teenager. ( photo no.2 )

The last photograph was obviously when he got a degree in Criminology at Nottingham Trent University, when he was 21. ( photo no.3 )

Feel very teary with happiness at the moment. Really looking forward to the wedding now. Emma is a lovely girl and I am both very proud and very lucky to have her as my Daughter In Law.

Will definately be posting photos of the wedding here on Sunday, so watch this space.

Hope to have some really good ones of Steven too.



Saturday, 26 August 2006

My Saturday night.

Just wanted to let you all know that Steve's fine. We picked him and Anthony up earlier today and brought their washing with them . It was sooo good to hear Steve singing in his old room again, it made me cry. I realised just how much I miss having him around.We had a good old sing song and forgot all our troubles for a while. This is a very teary time for me, especially as my eldest son gets married on Saturday. It makes you realise you're growing old-er. Just wish I could keep them both under my wing forever but we all know that lifes not like that. Children grow up and leave home to start a new life with their loved one. Then poor old Mum gets left behind feeling sorry for herself and redundant, reliving the past when her grown men were babies. Ah me !!!


Friday, 25 August 2006


Not had much time to myself these past three or four days because I've been frantically looking for a dress to wear at my Son's wedding next Saturday. Just got one today, thank goodness.

I just read a blog on Donna's site, where she talks about meeting someone for the first time but feeling as if you've met them somewhere before, or known them all your life.

I just want to tell you the story of how I met my Hubby Adrian.

I was married to someone for nearly ten years, then he started drinking heavily and going out most nights and I hardly saw him sober.

I stood it for so long, the arguements when he came home drunk, the smashing of my glass doors, upsetting the kids and my Parents who were living next door to me at the time.

I asked him to leave, so he would sleep in the car under my bedroom window all night, which really unnerved me.

He went to live at a transport cafe next door but one to me, which was very embarrassing, as the owner was a friend of the family.

After a while, I began to feel really sorry for him, being alone and having nowhere to go home to, so I took him back.

After a while, it started again, the drinking and arguing, then he told me that he'd slept with his ex girlfriend whilst we had been separated.

I asked for a divorce and got one almost immediately. We kept in touch with each other and  after a few months, started seeing each other again.

We were happier than we had been in a long time. I moved house and things were fine at first but then it all started again.

Steven had been given a pc by his Dad around this time and he kept telling me that I should go in the chat rooms and make some friends.

I was VERY nervous at first, so Steven helped meby introducing me to some of his friends. Eventually I felt confident enough to go in chat rooms myself and found that I enjoyed chatting to people.

I had something to do whilst my ex was out in  the pub all night.

After a few weeks, I started getting im's from a man in Northern Ireland. I just kept zapping him at first, thinking he was just after one thing. The more I zapped him, the more he im'd me. He was so sweet.

He didn't chat me up as such but just kept sending me cute pictures and things.

We started up a friendship and got to know each other over the next few weeks. We found we had lots in common, like, he was the third born of seven children, so was I, he was the only one born at home, so was I . His birthday is May the 21st, mine is April the 21st , so we are both Taureans.

Really strange but we felt as if we had always known each other. It was as if we were meant to be together.

I used to cry myself to sleep at my situation and I just KNEW that there was someone else out there waiting for me. Someone who needed me as much as I needed them.

Adrian is arthritic and needs me to be there for him. I put him his shoes and socks on every morning, I make sure he takes his medication, all the things that carers do.

He helps me get through panic attacks, helps support my children with me , helps my Parents with little things like, taking Mum to buy her groceries, he's such a godsend.

It's a great feeling to know that we are here for each other. I can't imagine my life without him now.



Wednesday, 23 August 2006

Steve's out of action temporarily

Hi all,

Just a quickie to let you know that Steve is in the middle of getting his kitchen refurbished by the council and hasn't any electricity on until this evening.

Please watch this space and I will let you know when the works all finished, hopefully it shouldn't be too long.

He will still be with you in the evenings however.

Love n hugs  x x

Tuesday, 22 August 2006


Been watching my older Westie, Buffy, playing with my little puppy, Peggy and just realised how patient she is bless her.

I watched her playing with Peggy today and Peggy was really giving it some. She has teeth like tiny needles but OUCH !! they really do hurt.

Buffy doesn't always feel like playing but carries on regardless. I know this may seem really normal but the fact is that Buffy is going blind. She has a condition common to some Westies, called " dry eye ". This means that she's not producing tears enough to keep her eyes clear. She has to put up with me cleaning her eyes and putting drops in constantly.

 I've had her for over five years now, she was only five weeks old when I bought her. Such a tiny little thing. I was really upset when the Vet confirmed that she would go blind, even though I knew it for myself. Buffy's blindness is the reason I bought Peggy. I thought Peggy would be company for Buffy at bedtime and would guide Buffy when we go for walks.

I have noticed some blindness already, like when she's playing, I throw the ball and she runs straight past it. Although I don't think it would change her personality, I hope it wont change her quality of life. I can only continue to keep her eyes clean and give her all the love that I have, she knows it's forever.

Monday, 21 August 2006

Love the lighthouse


Thursday, 17 August 2006

Peggy's first LEAD ing role

It was Peggy's first time on her lead today. Thought I should perhaps start to get her used to the feel of it, as we will be going for lots of walks after her second injection takes effect next Friday.

She's ten weeks old now. I can't believe I've had her for nearly three weeks already.



Tuesday, 15 August 2006

Just look at this cute little face. This is Steven as he was at two years old, bless him.

I still see him like this even though he's grown up now.

If anyone ever hurt him, I'd kill them , just like any other Mum with their children would do.

But how do you protect them from things like smoking and taking drugs, prostitution and such things ?

You can't. All you can do is pray to God they never start these things in the first place.

I have never smoked in my life, neither has Adam, Steven's Brother. Yet Steven started at fifteen years old, behind my back at first.

My neighbour asked me round for a cuppa one day and told me to sit down as she had something to tell me.

She told me that Steven had come out to her. I was so relieved that was all it was. I imagined it to be something really drastic.

Then she said very calmly, that he was smoking too. I went ballistic. I ate three sugar doughnuts one after the other, I hyperventilated with anxiety and couldn't stop drinking tea for hours.

Being gay was one thing I could cope with but SMOKING !!!

What Steven can't understand is , that EVERYTIME he takes a drag on that cancer stick, I feel it inside me too.

I imagine him as that cute little precious bundle of perfection , that he still is in my eyes and I go to pieces.

Why do perfectly healthy people want to fill their lungs with toxins and poisons ?

Is it MY fault. Have I been such a blind Mother that I didn't see this starting in the first place ?

After last night's scare ( again ) he says he's stopped smoking for good this time. ( fingers crossed again )

I really hope so because It's killing me watching him kill himself. I cry myself to sleep at night just thinking about the damage he's doing to himself.

I know he loves me very much and I would trust him with my life so I'm hoping his love for me will make him realise the hurt he's causing not only himself but other people closest to him.

























Thursday, 10 August 2006

Peggy's vaccuming scare


I don't like it.It's sucking up everything in it's path.

I think I'll hide here until it's gone.

It's okay though, Mum's got it by the throat.

Tuesday, 8 August 2006

Little boy lost

As I came out from the hairdressers this afternoon, I noticed a little boy about three or four years old, crying and alone.

He was just about to cross a very busy main road with a tram approaching, so I stood right in front of him.

I asked him if he'd lost his Mummy and he said yes. A man approached me and started to ask me what was wrong, so I just took hold of the little boys hand and took him back towards the shop I saw him coming out of.

I asked him which shop he had just come from and he pointed it out.

I managed to get him to stop crying and just said not to worry, I'd help him find his Mummy.

Just as we walked into the shop, I noticed a lady coming towards us looking really worried.

The lady said she was his Mummy and I could tell she was anyway by the stressed look on her face.

Poor little thing, he didn't know what to do next.

Anyway, as we drove off towards home, we noticed him with his big brother and the rest of the family, skipping happily along home. What a relief..

Made me think though, if it had been a paedophile that found him, he would have been in really serious trouble.

I think we should all act really quickly in a situation such as this one and look out for our little people. They are so vulnerable and helpless in that situation.



Monday, 7 August 2006

Laminate flooring blues

Okay, so you go into the DIY shop really excited cos you're going to lay yourself a gorgeous new laminate floor in your guest room.

It costs you an absolute fortune for five packs but that's okay cos you're going to be proud to say you did it yourself.

You buy all the things that go with it, that you've NEVER heard of and wonder what they could all possibly be for.

You come home, have a nice cuppa while you read up on the instructions so that you know EXACTLY what you're doing.

Check that you have all the right pieces and you know where everything goes.

You tire yourself out running up and downstairs with the packs of boards, which seem to get heavier with each trip upstairs.

You come to click the boards together and then....... NO CLICK.

They wont click together, they don't even want to.

How frustrating!!!

Been trying to get it right for two days luck.

Think I should've stuck to carpet.



Sunday, 6 August 2006

Peggy causing chaos

Oh dear,

Peggy has already managed to climb the two steps up and down to the conservatory.

Buffy goes under the table to hide.

Peggy's still looking for her. She thinks Buffy's her Mum now. Bless!!


Saturday, 5 August 2006

Thank you D

Steven asked his friend D to make me this tag for my journal.

This is what she made. Many thanks D. I love it. x x

Backstreet Boys

Hi everyone,

Just been watching The Backstreet boys on the music channels on Sky. Just realised how much I miss them. Sigh !!!

I've been asked to be my Sister's Bridesmaid Christmas 2007, woohoo!!  Should be a good day. I'm off trying Bridesmaids dresses on today.

Aaawww !! S Club 7 just came on singing Never Had a Dream Come True. One of my faves, I sing it myself on stage.

Anywho, best get a shower, want to look gorge when I try these dresses on, well as gorge as I get for me.

Catch you all later,

Love n hugs  Pat  x x x


Wednesday, 2 August 2006


Hi everyone,

On a lighter note, this is my new Westie puppy. I called her Peggy after my Auntie Peggy, who sadly passed away two years ago.

She's only eight weeks old and so sweet. Already she's a little bossy, so I have to keep my eye on her, don't want her getting ideas above her station.

She's off to the Vets on Friday for her first injection.

Post more pics as she gets older.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and comments on yesterday's journal.They were all taken on board and I hope I have helped somewhere along the way.

Love n hugs Pat. x x

Tuesday, 1 August 2006

Dont feel sorry for me.

For anyone feeling sorry for me after the story I just wrote, please don't.

I didn't write about it for sympathy. The sympathy should go to the animal that could do these dispicable things to women and young Mothers.

I just want women everywhere to know that life still goes on. My Son went to University and got a degree in Criminology because of it.

Don't let them think they've won because they haven't and never will.

Thank you for reading my life and I hope it hasn't upset anyone.

love n hugs  Pat  x x x


Had a breather, so here's part two.

Despite the past, I met and married a gorgeous young man, with the biggest blue eyes I had ever seen.He was almost sixteen, I was just twenty one. My Dad didn't agree with it because of the age difference but we married anyway.

He was a Miner and we had two lovely Son's and six years of marriage before he left me for my " mates". During this time, we came through the Miner's strike of 1984-85. We even appeared in a BBC documentary "REAL LIVES". All about the strike and some of the families struggling through it.

To cut the story a little shorter, I moved back home to Sheffield to be near my family for support. I managed to get a privately rented house in Hillsborough. My sons were two and seven years old at this time.

The Landlord told me the house wasn't quite ready yet but that if I didn't mind him coming and going to carry out the finishing touches, we could move in straight away. So, we did.

After a few weeks living there, we settled in to a nice life and finally had somewhere to call home. It beats sleeping in my sister's attic and living at Mum's. I like to be self sufficient, after all, I have my pride.

Then, one day, I had just brought my oldest Son home from school when the Landlord turned up. This would be around 4.30 in the afternoon. He asked me to put the kettle on, so I did. The next thing I knew, he was behind me, putting his arms around my waist.My youngest Son was watching and I insisted that he left. He didn't leave but started to scoop me up in his arms to carry me upstairs. I obviously started to struggle but realised that BOTH my Sons were watching and I had to try to keep calm for their sakes.

He threw me down on the bed and the inevitable happened.All I remember doing was thinking to myself all the way through, that I had to make this look like a game. My eldest Son hid in a cupboard and my youngest Son saw the whole thing.

NO child should EVER have to witness that but mine did. Afterwards, the Landlord asked if we could still be friends, UNBELIEVABLE.

The Police advised me to do a moonlight flit, which I did, to a safe house in Doncaster. We lived there, in a bedsit, for seven months. We should have left the room all day and were only allowed in at four oclock. I managed to get the Landlady to agree to letting me do all the laundry and ironing, if she let us all stay in all day. My eldest was in school anyway and I hated walking round Doncaster in the snow with my youngest,he was only two.

Eventually, I declared war on life and went back to my Mum's with NO IDEA of what we would do. I did manage to get a house and we lived there for many years very happily.

I now am re married to a wonderful man, whom I love dearly and am looking forward to my eldest Son's forthcoming wedding next month.

Most of you know my youngest already. He is with a gorgeous young man himself and I now have an even bigger family, getting bigger all the time.

I can now look forward to being a Granny and know that NO MAN will EVER stop me from loving the life my Parents gave me from their love for each other.







I know I'm a wonderful Mum. I pride myself on that just so that I know they didn't break me.

I was sixteen years old and had never had a boyfriend before. My Dad said I was too young. I wasn't allowed to go to school disco's.I spent many a night crying in my bedroom because my classmates were laughing at me for being " mollicoddled ".

One boy I really liked, came to call at my house and my Dad sent him away until I was eighteen.I was devastated and angry with him for years to come. I would swear under my breath that one day I would just leave.He couldn't stop me forever.

I started work at just fifteen years old, working in an office. I absolutely LOVED it. I was there for three years and NEVER missed a day.

One day I had arranged to go out with my work mates to a club.My Dad said he would pick me up rather than let me catch a taxi home.

When I got there I noticed a boy there who I worked with. He was a Duty Driver. When he asked me if he could take me home I said my Dad was waiting for me outside.

The next day at work, he asked me out. He was far from the best looking boy I had ever seen but I said yes, probably just to get my own back on my Dad.

We had a relationship for three years and finally got engaged. My parents didn't like him at all for some reason.A few weeks after our engagement, the car broke down outside his house and he pushed the car round to his Dad's garage to repair it.

I should have realised that something was funny when his Dad held my hand to walk me round to the garage because I was cold. When the car started, my boyfriend drove it round to the front of the house.

His Dad scared me to death when he tried to close the garage door on us. I managed to run out.

I told my boyfriend what had happened as we drove home but instead of being angry with his Dad, he pulled up abruptly, grabbed me by the neck and accused me of lying to him.

Needless to say, we split up that night. I also found out that he'd been seeing his Auntie behind my back. EEWW!!!

I didn't see him for months and months after that and was shocked to get a phone call from his Dad saying that my ex-boyfriend had taken an overdose and had locked himself in their bedroom.

He asked me to go round there and speak to him, so I did.

When I got there, I found that my ex wasn't even at the house but that he had taken the family to their caravan in Skegness.

As I pushed open the bedroom door, expecting my ex to be in there, his Dad shoved me down on to the bed and raped me.It's something I'll NEVER forget but I refuse to take the blame also.

I couldn't prove anything and I didn't want my Dad to go to prison for killing anyone, so I kept my mouth shut.I was nineteen at the time.

To make it even worse, I had to agree to keep seeing him or he would tell my family what I had done. I saw him a couple of times, then just blew my top and said, " SO TELL THEM. I REALLY  DON'T CARE "

I think it must have shocked him because I NEVER heard from him again.


Sunday, 30 July 2006

guest room

Well another day's hard work. This time I decorated the guest room for Adrian's Son and his Girlfriend coming to stay for a few days.

Colour scheme is Chocolate and Cream. I hope they like it.

Just watched the film K-9 and really enjoyed it. Jerry Lee is sooo cute. We used to have Alsations when I was little. Dusty is the first one that I can remember, then King. I always felt very safe knowing they were on guard at night at the top of the stairs.

Any who, really tired now, think I'll have an early night.

Catch you later. night night

Love n hugs Pat. x x


Thursday, 27 July 2006

My cat Holly

This Irish beauty squatted in Adrian's house over in Bangor in Ireland and wouldn't leave, so when Adrian moved over here two years ago, she moved with him. She's sooo lovable and doesn't have an aggressive bone in her body. I love her to pieces.She just loves cuddles and attention. ( a bit like her mum ).

My cat Seven

This little sweetie is Seven. She's the baby at 3 years old. She was bred by my Sister and she was the seventh kitten from the seventh litter. Steven being the Star Trek fan, gave us the inclination to call her Seven ,after Seven Of Nine from the series " Star Trek Voyager ".She's really lightweight and dainty and a Mummy's girl. MMWWAAHH!!

My cat Boz

Here's Boz.He's around 9 years old. He was rescued from a neighbours house as they used to put him in drawers and even the microwave once, shock horror. He's a little imp and tries to get out of the house after tea so that he has to be coaxed back in using chicken as bait. He loves chicken ( and hugs )

My cat Sam

This is my oldest cat , Sam. He is 12 years old and a Mummy's boy. He likes eating and sleeps in Adrian's wardrobe  when he thinks he can get away with it.

pet pics

This here is Buffy. She is five years old and a West Highland White Terrier. She suffers from a complaint Westies sometimes get called " dry eyes ". Just found out from the vet that she will probably go blind. She is such a sweetie and her favourite toy is her teddy.

pictures of decking

Hi everyone. As promised, pics of the decking. Picture number 4 is my Hubby of four months, Adrian.

Well, another busy busy day but at least the decking is finished at last. YEY!!  Next job starting tomorrow is the little guest room. Not that I have many little guests that!! 

Adrian's son is coming to stay for a few days on Monday so we're looking forward to that. He's FAR from little, he's six feet four.

Steve was asked to be his Brother's Best Man today and I'm really chuffed. Although I have been asked to do a reading at the ceremony O.M.G.

Well, not much time to chat tonight as we're up early tomoz for Adrian's hospital appointment for his Arthritis ( bless him ).

Thinking of putting pics of all my pets on here tomoz and I'll introduce you.

Sweet dreams all. Catch you all later.

Love n hugs Pat. x x

Wednesday, 26 July 2006

waiting for this storm.

Just found time to sit for a few minutes doing absolutely nothing.

Just wish this storm would break cos its sooo hot and sticky.

Well, Steve finally got his first filling today and it went quite well I think. Despite being a little late, he seemed very calm, considering he was absolutely terrified this morning after I wound him up a bit. lol!! Couldn't resist it..

My Hubby wants me to say that HES knackered ( his words ).

Erm excuse me, who does all the hard painstaking work round here anyway.Even my blisters have got blisters. Hoping to post some pics of the decking tomoz if all goes well.

Just wondering which day would be best to go visit my eldest son, Adam in Nottingham, cos he gets married on the 2nd of September and he's having a stag night soon. REALLY worried about that cos, did you see Eastenders last week? Poor Billy.

Just picturing Adam being tied to a lamp post in the niff. Thanks for that Steve, never thought of that til you said it.

Well, it's my bedtime again.Not enough hours in the day just lately. Looking forward to starting my poems soon.

Thank you to everyone whos been reading my journal and I hope to find more time to read all of yours and be in touch. I feel I know some of you already cos Steve speaks of you often. All good of course.

Byes e Byes for now sweet dreams everyone.

love n hugs

Pat. x x

Busy couple of weeks

Hello everyone,

Finally got time to sit here and tell you a little about the last couple of weeks building the decking in my back garden.

We decided to buy a nice little conservatory and extend the living room .Well, it turned out bigger than expected because I wanted a "P" shaped one just to be awkward.

Not realising that we would have to build decking so that we can walk into the garden.

Ever wish you'd never started something?

The conservatory was fine because we got the professionals in  to build it but the decking....

My Hubby has Arthritis,so he can't carry heavy things very well,so guess who copped for lifting all the decking boards and rafters? guessed

He supervised and did all the sawing cos I hate the loud noise saws make and they're pretty scarey. Might lose a nail or even worse...a finger.

I must have looked really funny carrying the boards in too, cos they're really long and awkward and I'm only five feet five and eight stones.

I felt like Charlie Dimmock without the boobies. Stop laughing Steve.... I know you are..

Anyway after almost two weeks of hard graft, I'm shattered and glad we're almost finished. Just got the staining to finish tomorrow.

It looks like a stage and as I'm a singer, it should do very nicely. Even thinking of charging an entrance fee and putting on a show or two. You interested Steve?

You could do your rendition of Enrique or Anastasia if you like....

Any who, Im off to beddybyes. Been a tiring day again.

Thank you for looking in on me.

Speak to you again soon. Pat. x x


Hello everyone!

Welcome to my journal. Been trying to find time to do this for a while, but been too busy building decking on the conservatory....Long story!

Many of you may know my son, Steven through his journal, 'The life of Stevie'.

I hope to get to know some of you better, as I know some of you by name already, so watch this space!

Bye for now!