Thursday, 31 August 2006

Peggy's first walk to Grandma's

I know I've already written in my journal once today but couldn't resist showing these pics taken earlier today.

This is Peggy's first walk to see her Granny and Grandad in the next street. She actually walks better than Buffy does, lol !!! ( pic 1 )

Then, I noticed this past couple of days, she has an ear thing going on, bless !! ( pic 2 )

Think the ears are going to stay put one of these days. They seem to be on the right track now. ( pic 3 )

Such a cutie.Looking SO SWEET as she sits on Mum's lap, BLESS !!! ( pic 4 )




Adam's getting married

Can't believe my eldest Son, Adam, is getting married on Saturday.

It seems not so long ago, I took this photograph of him sitting on my bed. He was about seven months old. ( photo no. 1 )

This photograph was taken some years later, when he was a teenager. ( photo no.2 )

The last photograph was obviously when he got a degree in Criminology at Nottingham Trent University, when he was 21. ( photo no.3 )

Feel very teary with happiness at the moment. Really looking forward to the wedding now. Emma is a lovely girl and I am both very proud and very lucky to have her as my Daughter In Law.

Will definately be posting photos of the wedding here on Sunday, so watch this space.

Hope to have some really good ones of Steven too.



Saturday, 26 August 2006

My Saturday night.

Just wanted to let you all know that Steve's fine. We picked him and Anthony up earlier today and brought their washing with them . It was sooo good to hear Steve singing in his old room again, it made me cry. I realised just how much I miss having him around.We had a good old sing song and forgot all our troubles for a while. This is a very teary time for me, especially as my eldest son gets married on Saturday. It makes you realise you're growing old-er. Just wish I could keep them both under my wing forever but we all know that lifes not like that. Children grow up and leave home to start a new life with their loved one. Then poor old Mum gets left behind feeling sorry for herself and redundant, reliving the past when her grown men were babies. Ah me !!!


Friday, 25 August 2006


Not had much time to myself these past three or four days because I've been frantically looking for a dress to wear at my Son's wedding next Saturday. Just got one today, thank goodness.

I just read a blog on Donna's site, where she talks about meeting someone for the first time but feeling as if you've met them somewhere before, or known them all your life.

I just want to tell you the story of how I met my Hubby Adrian.

I was married to someone for nearly ten years, then he started drinking heavily and going out most nights and I hardly saw him sober.

I stood it for so long, the arguements when he came home drunk, the smashing of my glass doors, upsetting the kids and my Parents who were living next door to me at the time.

I asked him to leave, so he would sleep in the car under my bedroom window all night, which really unnerved me.

He went to live at a transport cafe next door but one to me, which was very embarrassing, as the owner was a friend of the family.

After a while, I began to feel really sorry for him, being alone and having nowhere to go home to, so I took him back.

After a while, it started again, the drinking and arguing, then he told me that he'd slept with his ex girlfriend whilst we had been separated.

I asked for a divorce and got one almost immediately. We kept in touch with each other and  after a few months, started seeing each other again.

We were happier than we had been in a long time. I moved house and things were fine at first but then it all started again.

Steven had been given a pc by his Dad around this time and he kept telling me that I should go in the chat rooms and make some friends.

I was VERY nervous at first, so Steven helped meby introducing me to some of his friends. Eventually I felt confident enough to go in chat rooms myself and found that I enjoyed chatting to people.

I had something to do whilst my ex was out in  the pub all night.

After a few weeks, I started getting im's from a man in Northern Ireland. I just kept zapping him at first, thinking he was just after one thing. The more I zapped him, the more he im'd me. He was so sweet.

He didn't chat me up as such but just kept sending me cute pictures and things.

We started up a friendship and got to know each other over the next few weeks. We found we had lots in common, like, he was the third born of seven children, so was I, he was the only one born at home, so was I . His birthday is May the 21st, mine is April the 21st , so we are both Taureans.

Really strange but we felt as if we had always known each other. It was as if we were meant to be together.

I used to cry myself to sleep at my situation and I just KNEW that there was someone else out there waiting for me. Someone who needed me as much as I needed them.

Adrian is arthritic and needs me to be there for him. I put him his shoes and socks on every morning, I make sure he takes his medication, all the things that carers do.

He helps me get through panic attacks, helps support my children with me , helps my Parents with little things like, taking Mum to buy her groceries, he's such a godsend.

It's a great feeling to know that we are here for each other. I can't imagine my life without him now.



Wednesday, 23 August 2006

Steve's out of action temporarily

Hi all,

Just a quickie to let you know that Steve is in the middle of getting his kitchen refurbished by the council and hasn't any electricity on until this evening.

Please watch this space and I will let you know when the works all finished, hopefully it shouldn't be too long.

He will still be with you in the evenings however.

Love n hugs  x x

Tuesday, 22 August 2006


Been watching my older Westie, Buffy, playing with my little puppy, Peggy and just realised how patient she is bless her.

I watched her playing with Peggy today and Peggy was really giving it some. She has teeth like tiny needles but OUCH !! they really do hurt.

Buffy doesn't always feel like playing but carries on regardless. I know this may seem really normal but the fact is that Buffy is going blind. She has a condition common to some Westies, called " dry eye ". This means that she's not producing tears enough to keep her eyes clear. She has to put up with me cleaning her eyes and putting drops in constantly.

 I've had her for over five years now, she was only five weeks old when I bought her. Such a tiny little thing. I was really upset when the Vet confirmed that she would go blind, even though I knew it for myself. Buffy's blindness is the reason I bought Peggy. I thought Peggy would be company for Buffy at bedtime and would guide Buffy when we go for walks.

I have noticed some blindness already, like when she's playing, I throw the ball and she runs straight past it. Although I don't think it would change her personality, I hope it wont change her quality of life. I can only continue to keep her eyes clean and give her all the love that I have, she knows it's forever.

Monday, 21 August 2006

Love the lighthouse


Thursday, 17 August 2006

Peggy's first LEAD ing role

It was Peggy's first time on her lead today. Thought I should perhaps start to get her used to the feel of it, as we will be going for lots of walks after her second injection takes effect next Friday.

She's ten weeks old now. I can't believe I've had her for nearly three weeks already.



Tuesday, 15 August 2006

Just look at this cute little face. This is Steven as he was at two years old, bless him.

I still see him like this even though he's grown up now.

If anyone ever hurt him, I'd kill them , just like any other Mum with their children would do.

But how do you protect them from things like smoking and taking drugs, prostitution and such things ?

You can't. All you can do is pray to God they never start these things in the first place.

I have never smoked in my life, neither has Adam, Steven's Brother. Yet Steven started at fifteen years old, behind my back at first.

My neighbour asked me round for a cuppa one day and told me to sit down as she had something to tell me.

She told me that Steven had come out to her. I was so relieved that was all it was. I imagined it to be something really drastic.

Then she said very calmly, that he was smoking too. I went ballistic. I ate three sugar doughnuts one after the other, I hyperventilated with anxiety and couldn't stop drinking tea for hours.

Being gay was one thing I could cope with but SMOKING !!!

What Steven can't understand is , that EVERYTIME he takes a drag on that cancer stick, I feel it inside me too.

I imagine him as that cute little precious bundle of perfection , that he still is in my eyes and I go to pieces.

Why do perfectly healthy people want to fill their lungs with toxins and poisons ?

Is it MY fault. Have I been such a blind Mother that I didn't see this starting in the first place ?

After last night's scare ( again ) he says he's stopped smoking for good this time. ( fingers crossed again )

I really hope so because It's killing me watching him kill himself. I cry myself to sleep at night just thinking about the damage he's doing to himself.

I know he loves me very much and I would trust him with my life so I'm hoping his love for me will make him realise the hurt he's causing not only himself but other people closest to him.

























Thursday, 10 August 2006

Peggy's vaccuming scare


I don't like it.It's sucking up everything in it's path.

I think I'll hide here until it's gone.

It's okay though, Mum's got it by the throat.

Tuesday, 8 August 2006

Little boy lost

As I came out from the hairdressers this afternoon, I noticed a little boy about three or four years old, crying and alone.

He was just about to cross a very busy main road with a tram approaching, so I stood right in front of him.

I asked him if he'd lost his Mummy and he said yes. A man approached me and started to ask me what was wrong, so I just took hold of the little boys hand and took him back towards the shop I saw him coming out of.

I asked him which shop he had just come from and he pointed it out.

I managed to get him to stop crying and just said not to worry, I'd help him find his Mummy.

Just as we walked into the shop, I noticed a lady coming towards us looking really worried.

The lady said she was his Mummy and I could tell she was anyway by the stressed look on her face.

Poor little thing, he didn't know what to do next.

Anyway, as we drove off towards home, we noticed him with his big brother and the rest of the family, skipping happily along home. What a relief..

Made me think though, if it had been a paedophile that found him, he would have been in really serious trouble.

I think we should all act really quickly in a situation such as this one and look out for our little people. They are so vulnerable and helpless in that situation.



Monday, 7 August 2006

Laminate flooring blues

Okay, so you go into the DIY shop really excited cos you're going to lay yourself a gorgeous new laminate floor in your guest room.

It costs you an absolute fortune for five packs but that's okay cos you're going to be proud to say you did it yourself.

You buy all the things that go with it, that you've NEVER heard of and wonder what they could all possibly be for.

You come home, have a nice cuppa while you read up on the instructions so that you know EXACTLY what you're doing.

Check that you have all the right pieces and you know where everything goes.

You tire yourself out running up and downstairs with the packs of boards, which seem to get heavier with each trip upstairs.

You come to click the boards together and then....... NO CLICK.

They wont click together, they don't even want to.

How frustrating!!!

Been trying to get it right for two days luck.

Think I should've stuck to carpet.



Sunday, 6 August 2006

Peggy causing chaos

Oh dear,

Peggy has already managed to climb the two steps up and down to the conservatory.

Buffy goes under the table to hide.

Peggy's still looking for her. She thinks Buffy's her Mum now. Bless!!


Saturday, 5 August 2006

Thank you D

Steven asked his friend D to make me this tag for my journal.

This is what she made. Many thanks D. I love it. x x

Backstreet Boys

Hi everyone,

Just been watching The Backstreet boys on the music channels on Sky. Just realised how much I miss them. Sigh !!!

I've been asked to be my Sister's Bridesmaid Christmas 2007, woohoo!!  Should be a good day. I'm off trying Bridesmaids dresses on today.

Aaawww !! S Club 7 just came on singing Never Had a Dream Come True. One of my faves, I sing it myself on stage.

Anywho, best get a shower, want to look gorge when I try these dresses on, well as gorge as I get for me.

Catch you all later,

Love n hugs  Pat  x x x


Wednesday, 2 August 2006


Hi everyone,

On a lighter note, this is my new Westie puppy. I called her Peggy after my Auntie Peggy, who sadly passed away two years ago.

She's only eight weeks old and so sweet. Already she's a little bossy, so I have to keep my eye on her, don't want her getting ideas above her station.

She's off to the Vets on Friday for her first injection.

Post more pics as she gets older.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and comments on yesterday's journal.They were all taken on board and I hope I have helped somewhere along the way.

Love n hugs Pat. x x

Tuesday, 1 August 2006

Dont feel sorry for me.

For anyone feeling sorry for me after the story I just wrote, please don't.

I didn't write about it for sympathy. The sympathy should go to the animal that could do these dispicable things to women and young Mothers.

I just want women everywhere to know that life still goes on. My Son went to University and got a degree in Criminology because of it.

Don't let them think they've won because they haven't and never will.

Thank you for reading my life and I hope it hasn't upset anyone.

love n hugs  Pat  x x x


Had a breather, so here's part two.

Despite the past, I met and married a gorgeous young man, with the biggest blue eyes I had ever seen.He was almost sixteen, I was just twenty one. My Dad didn't agree with it because of the age difference but we married anyway.

He was a Miner and we had two lovely Son's and six years of marriage before he left me for my " mates". During this time, we came through the Miner's strike of 1984-85. We even appeared in a BBC documentary "REAL LIVES". All about the strike and some of the families struggling through it.

To cut the story a little shorter, I moved back home to Sheffield to be near my family for support. I managed to get a privately rented house in Hillsborough. My sons were two and seven years old at this time.

The Landlord told me the house wasn't quite ready yet but that if I didn't mind him coming and going to carry out the finishing touches, we could move in straight away. So, we did.

After a few weeks living there, we settled in to a nice life and finally had somewhere to call home. It beats sleeping in my sister's attic and living at Mum's. I like to be self sufficient, after all, I have my pride.

Then, one day, I had just brought my oldest Son home from school when the Landlord turned up. This would be around 4.30 in the afternoon. He asked me to put the kettle on, so I did. The next thing I knew, he was behind me, putting his arms around my waist.My youngest Son was watching and I insisted that he left. He didn't leave but started to scoop me up in his arms to carry me upstairs. I obviously started to struggle but realised that BOTH my Sons were watching and I had to try to keep calm for their sakes.

He threw me down on the bed and the inevitable happened.All I remember doing was thinking to myself all the way through, that I had to make this look like a game. My eldest Son hid in a cupboard and my youngest Son saw the whole thing.

NO child should EVER have to witness that but mine did. Afterwards, the Landlord asked if we could still be friends, UNBELIEVABLE.

The Police advised me to do a moonlight flit, which I did, to a safe house in Doncaster. We lived there, in a bedsit, for seven months. We should have left the room all day and were only allowed in at four oclock. I managed to get the Landlady to agree to letting me do all the laundry and ironing, if she let us all stay in all day. My eldest was in school anyway and I hated walking round Doncaster in the snow with my youngest,he was only two.

Eventually, I declared war on life and went back to my Mum's with NO IDEA of what we would do. I did manage to get a house and we lived there for many years very happily.

I now am re married to a wonderful man, whom I love dearly and am looking forward to my eldest Son's forthcoming wedding next month.

Most of you know my youngest already. He is with a gorgeous young man himself and I now have an even bigger family, getting bigger all the time.

I can now look forward to being a Granny and know that NO MAN will EVER stop me from loving the life my Parents gave me from their love for each other.







I know I'm a wonderful Mum. I pride myself on that just so that I know they didn't break me.

I was sixteen years old and had never had a boyfriend before. My Dad said I was too young. I wasn't allowed to go to school disco's.I spent many a night crying in my bedroom because my classmates were laughing at me for being " mollicoddled ".

One boy I really liked, came to call at my house and my Dad sent him away until I was eighteen.I was devastated and angry with him for years to come. I would swear under my breath that one day I would just leave.He couldn't stop me forever.

I started work at just fifteen years old, working in an office. I absolutely LOVED it. I was there for three years and NEVER missed a day.

One day I had arranged to go out with my work mates to a club.My Dad said he would pick me up rather than let me catch a taxi home.

When I got there I noticed a boy there who I worked with. He was a Duty Driver. When he asked me if he could take me home I said my Dad was waiting for me outside.

The next day at work, he asked me out. He was far from the best looking boy I had ever seen but I said yes, probably just to get my own back on my Dad.

We had a relationship for three years and finally got engaged. My parents didn't like him at all for some reason.A few weeks after our engagement, the car broke down outside his house and he pushed the car round to his Dad's garage to repair it.

I should have realised that something was funny when his Dad held my hand to walk me round to the garage because I was cold. When the car started, my boyfriend drove it round to the front of the house.

His Dad scared me to death when he tried to close the garage door on us. I managed to run out.

I told my boyfriend what had happened as we drove home but instead of being angry with his Dad, he pulled up abruptly, grabbed me by the neck and accused me of lying to him.

Needless to say, we split up that night. I also found out that he'd been seeing his Auntie behind my back. EEWW!!!

I didn't see him for months and months after that and was shocked to get a phone call from his Dad saying that my ex-boyfriend had taken an overdose and had locked himself in their bedroom.

He asked me to go round there and speak to him, so I did.

When I got there, I found that my ex wasn't even at the house but that he had taken the family to their caravan in Skegness.

As I pushed open the bedroom door, expecting my ex to be in there, his Dad shoved me down on to the bed and raped me.It's something I'll NEVER forget but I refuse to take the blame also.

I couldn't prove anything and I didn't want my Dad to go to prison for killing anyone, so I kept my mouth shut.I was nineteen at the time.

To make it even worse, I had to agree to keep seeing him or he would tell my family what I had done. I saw him a couple of times, then just blew my top and said, " SO TELL THEM. I REALLY  DON'T CARE "

I think it must have shocked him because I NEVER heard from him again.